friends

When you meet new people how do you responded? Me.. Well I am very quite, keep to my self, I make funny comments. I honestly don't judge anyone. I just try to figure out who someone is and if they would like me. To me I think me is hard to get to know me and that makes me be more quite. When I meet someone I don't know. I don't jump to life long friend or someone I will know longer than I need to. I kinda know why that is. It is mostly because I don't like losing people. Whether it is through death or moving away, whatever it may be I don't like when people I grow close to leave. So that shows why I can't get close to people right away. When I lose a friend who I thought I would have for a long time I don't like how I feel and I don't like what I feel I should do. moving on is something I need to learn to do quicker. I think once I do grow close to them I don't want to let go of what made us close to begin with. The wonderful memories are something to cherish but something that can cause more pain because those will never happen again. Why do meeting, leaving and moving on all happen so fast? They all seem to happen right after one another. The meeting and getting to know each other tend to stay longer because you use them to help you move on. The idea of losing anyone should make people love and cherish who and what they have with those people. The famous line "you don't know what you got til it is gone" comes to mind. To all those people who have either lost people because of a fight or death or because you felt you did not need them. I am sorry and if you can try to get in touch with them and see how they are doing.

Sad in az
Breanne

future

I went running with one of my friends who is thinking about going into the navy. wow, i was dying but i know it was a good work out. We talked about her joining the navy. I am not able to join any branch of the military because of my back. She wants to join because of not knowing what she wants to do with her future. She is graduating from ASU in May and feels she can't use her degree in any field or in the job market right now. She has a lot of school debt and needs to be able to live and repay that money she owes. So the military, specifically the navy.

I have a degree in media arts from collins college, no debts. I have some credits toward a early childhood education, no debts. I have some credits toward a culinary degree, no debts. I don't know what i wanna do with my life. I don't know what i wanna be when i grow up. Right now i work at blockbuster with my media arts degree. I am in the same boat as she is. But don't have the choice to go to military to help me figure out what i am good at. I can't find a good direction for my life. Right now i am working at the census making great money but it is a temporary job. I don't know what i wanna do when i grow up. i don't know what i want to do to support my self or my family when i get one.

Thankfully, i live at home and my parents are awesome about it. I don't pay rent and have no school payments. I pay for the things i use. My cell phone and my car insurance. and i am very grateful but what do i wanna do with my life. Where as a 24 soon to be 25 year old women go to figure that out?

off to bed,
breanne

my first thoughts

It has been nearly 5 years since my last cigarette and today I was filling up my gas tank and saw an advertisement for a pack for over 5 dollars. Now I rarely want to smoke but man these past 2 weeks I have just felt like running to that person I was when I did smoke. When people are to over protective and personalize everything it makes life and conflict much more impossible. People need to realize that everything does not depend on them or revolve around them. I understand people need to be apart of something. It is part of who we are. We need to feel useful but not in everything. Then there are the people who don't understand "helping" a friend out and make everything so much harder. I understand there are rules to certain things but when you are a friend you can bend those rules or figure out a why to work around those quicker. My job requires me to do A LOT of typing and now because of that I have developed carpel tunnel syndrome. Now out of all the stuff that is not something to big. But when you have only been at this job for 2 months and you are already starting to feel the effects of it. It makes me angry. This job is a temp job. It is to make some money to save and then move out with or figure out what the hell I wanna do in my life. It is not to destroy my body and lose my mind over.

I try to be there for people just the same way I would want them to be for me. But there are people in this world that don't get that. It makes my life harder. So here I am sitting in my room about ready to go to bed after a relaxing sunday and I feel alone and hurt and that I need a cigarette. I am hoping this week goes by quicker and is a wonderful enjoyment of the time I get to be with my co workers and my friends. I won't see my sister until next weekend but I do hope she has a good week..

Back to a little bit more Battlestar Galactica,

Breanne