Battles

It has been a month since I had the worst week I have had in a long time. I think I am finally able to do a blog about it.. 2 things happened with in 3 days of each other 1. we put our beloved dog hope to sleep and 2. i found out my job i have had for 3 years is coming to an end.

1. hope. on the night of feb 8th going into feb 9th so kinda around midnight she started having seizures. now that is nothing new she has been having those for 6 years now. so we did our routine. meds and keeping her cool and safe. when they have seizures the dog and brain can become very hot so we cool her down with showers and when the pool is up we walk with her in there. so that night my mom and dad both took turns catherine and i slept. they did not wake us. catherine had school and i only heard a few seizures so i figured they were under control. i did not have to work the next day and figured i would be with her in the morning so i wanted to sleep. normally i get up with her because i don't work in the am like my parents do.. boy was i wrong. i woke at 7 because my mom was at the dentist and catherine had to go to school so i got up and sat with hope. she just kept having seizures. bad deep seizures. she has Valium in her which is a drug that is the be all end all seizure meds. so it was bad she kept having them. well about 10ish my mom took her to the vet to have an IV of Valium to see if the constant flow of the drug would help. no, she had 4 more while at the vet. my dad said once they reach a point they will just keep having them over and over. and it was time to make the choice, keep trying to stop them and hope, hope was still there or let her go in peace. so at 1230 we said good bye to hope and put her to sleep. in that time from late late/early that morning to the time we put her to sleep, she had 21 seizures. i miss her all the time and i still can't believe she is gone sometimes. Rufus was probably the hardest thing to deal with. he was so lonely and he knew she was gone. he would sit at the laundry room door waiting for her. and he would go the gate in the back yard looking for her. that was so hard and he was so lonely. so a week after we put her to sleep we look to see if we could find a buddy for rufus. it was going to be a girl dog and we wanted something that had something similar to hope's breed.. we found bailey. bailey is jack russel, lab and Australian cattle dog (hope). we got her when she was 2 months old. so she is almost 3 months. she is a perfect buddy for rufus and man they love each other so much. playing all the time, sleep together, eating together and chasing the cats together. i am so happy we got bailey. she is a great addition to our family. i still miss hope all the time but it is nice to have a new doggie to love.

2. blockbuster. with the filing of blockbuster's bankruptcy in Sept. they have to talk with the land lords of each store and figure out leasing prices. they are asking them to lower it mostly. so each blockbuster across the USA is doing this. needless to say many stores are closing. i mean just in my little area there 5 stores. we just did not think it would be our store because we are the biggest store and have been around FOREVER! so we have been converting the store into a retail only store. no more renting only selling.. and we are selling everything in the store!! shelves, tvs, movies, candy, tables, fax machine, desk, chairs everything.. it is crazy.. so with the converting to sell everything i have been working like crazy.. in 2 weeks i did 76hours.. but still i am so tired. not just because of the work but because of all the work means. i am losing my job. i mean losing a part of my life i thought was kinda like home. i took pride in my job and in my store.. and now to deal with all these movies from other stores that have closed. we got about 100 boxes in 3 days with 200 movies in them. so it has been a nightmare. i am so ready for it to be done. i am just so tired. lol.

with my store closing i have had to figure out life. what i wanna do.. i could find a new store to go to but i don't know what kinda hours i would get and what store i would go to. how far it would be and all that stuff. it is just best to say thanks blockbuster and go out into the real world. which i am excited about and also scared. so next step time..


watching some awesome castle,
breanne

I am a Toy's R Us kid

“Kids, when your friends have great news, you’re happy for them … for like a millisecond. And then you start thinking about yourself.” – Old Ted

It is scary when a tv show like how i met your mother has so much wisdom in their storytelling. It has been a little over 2 weeks since I said good bye to some friends of mine. I wouldn't say they were my best friends and I would not say they were acquaintances. They were friends. They were friends on there way to becoming wonderful and close friends of mine. I think when they left what I was most sad about was all the stuff we could have/or would have been doing. All the memories we could have been making.. Anyway, back to what i was saying. 2 weeks ago they left to follow their dreams/passion. And i can't wait to see what the lord has in store for them and what people they become. But back to what How I Met Your Mother said. You're happy for them but then you think about yourself. So with being sad about them leaving i was thinking about my future in there too.. I have been kinda stuck in a rut but still moving forward at the same time. If that is possible. I came up with basically 2 choices.

Keep working jobs that don't require a degree in anything or go back to school.

I am kinda working in a dead in job. I guess i can still advance in blockbuster but i can't kinda. because they don't know the future of the company really. but i also have a position waiting for me at petsmart when one opens up. so that job is a little bit more stable and would be so much fun! i love animals..

going back to school. now that options is the option that scares me. i hate/hated school so much. the idea of taking a test makes me nauseous and nervous and it is just an idea. to think about going to school i need to figure out what i wanna do. i have done a lot in my 7 years out of high school. i do have a degree that i paid 28,000 dollars for and it got me the job at blockbuster really. that degree is one that requires me to know people in the movie or tv industry or work here in AZ in the news and i don't want to work in the news. i could not imagine that environment where i just report on bad things and nightmarish things either. so the news is out.

i have some classes in culinary. i did not want to be a chef i wanted to do stuff with nutrition and i thought those classes would help me get there. but mostly what they did was show me a good way to almost lose my finger and my life. it is funny on my first day of culinary school i was an hour and half late because i took a long way there thinking i would miss the traffic nope how i was wrong.. i look back now and think, that was gods way of saying don't do this. get out now. well i was unable to complete the program because at the time i was living on my own and the stubborn person i am tried to climb on the oven and counters at my apartment and fell. hurting my wrist and my right arm.. s0 never finished those classes and i have no intention in doing that.

i also have some credits in teaching. I love kids, between the ages of newborn and 10, but not enough to go through all of that to teach them. if i could work at a day care and be paid ok money i would. but day care and bad back don't go well together. so teaching as much as i love kids is out as well.

so going back to school is a hard choice. what to go back to school for. i think, i fell, i know my gift is tv. i love tv. you think of breanne you think of tv.. so choosing a school to go to for that would be the next step. there are many great film schools, christian and secular. but then i am stuck with needing to know someone.

i just feel like i am so lost and i don't know where/what/how to get on.

a few things that i know:

1. no matter what, i need money for anything

2. i have a family that supports me

3. i will pray to figure everything out.

i think for right now, i want to keep working, save money and move out. i think if i can move out on my own i will feel sorta like a real adult. i will be responsible for my self. i am now but just not the way i would like to be with living at my parents house. i love my parents. i am so grateful they were willing to have me come back and willing to let me live her for the 3 years i had to come back home. but i need to grow up and be my own person with my own space.

i never thought i would have this problem when i was younger. what i wanted to do when i grew up. i don't wanna grow up i am a toy's r us kid!