“Kids, when your friends have great news, you’re happy for them … for like a millisecond. And then you start thinking about yourself.” – Old Ted
It is scary when a tv show like how i met your mother has so much wisdom in their storytelling. It has been a little over 2 weeks since I said good bye to some friends of mine. I wouldn't say they were my best friends and I would not say they were acquaintances. They were friends. They were friends on there way to becoming wonderful and close friends of mine. I think when they left what I was most sad about was all the stuff we could have/or would have been doing. All the memories we could have been making.. Anyway, back to what i was saying. 2 weeks ago they left to follow their dreams/passion. And i can't wait to see what the lord has in store for them and what people they become. But back to what How I Met Your Mother said. You're happy for them but then you think about yourself. So with being sad about them leaving i was thinking about my future in there too.. I have been kinda stuck in a rut but still moving forward at the same time. If that is possible. I came up with basically 2 choices.
Keep working jobs that don't require a degree in anything or go back to school.
I am kinda working in a dead in job. I guess i can still advance in blockbuster but i can't kinda. because they don't know the future of the company really. but i also have a position waiting for me at petsmart when one opens up. so that job is a little bit more stable and would be so much fun! i love animals..
going back to school. now that options is the option that scares me. i hate/hated school so much. the idea of taking a test makes me nauseous and nervous and it is just an idea. to think about going to school i need to figure out what i wanna do. i have done a lot in my 7 years out of high school. i do have a degree that i paid 28,000 dollars for and it got me the job at blockbuster really. that degree is one that requires me to know people in the movie or tv industry or work here in AZ in the news and i don't want to work in the news. i could not imagine that environment where i just report on bad things and nightmarish things either. so the news is out.
i have some classes in culinary. i did not want to be a chef i wanted to do stuff with nutrition and i thought those classes would help me get there. but mostly what they did was show me a good way to almost lose my finger and my life. it is funny on my first day of culinary school i was an hour and half late because i took a long way there thinking i would miss the traffic nope how i was wrong.. i look back now and think, that was gods way of saying don't do this. get out now. well i was unable to complete the program because at the time i was living on my own and the stubborn person i am tried to climb on the oven and counters at my apartment and fell. hurting my wrist and my right arm.. s0 never finished those classes and i have no intention in doing that.
i also have some credits in teaching. I love kids, between the ages of newborn and 10, but not enough to go through all of that to teach them. if i could work at a day care and be paid ok money i would. but day care and bad back don't go well together. so teaching as much as i love kids is out as well.
so going back to school is a hard choice. what to go back to school for. i think, i fell, i know my gift is tv. i love tv. you think of breanne you think of tv.. so choosing a school to go to for that would be the next step. there are many great film schools, christian and secular. but then i am stuck with needing to know someone.
i just feel like i am so lost and i don't know where/what/how to get on.
a few things that i know:
1. no matter what, i need money for anything
2. i have a family that supports me
3. i will pray to figure everything out.
i think for right now, i want to keep working, save money and move out. i think if i can move out on my own i will feel sorta like a real adult. i will be responsible for my self. i am now but just not the way i would like to be with living at my parents house. i love my parents. i am so grateful they were willing to have me come back and willing to let me live her for the 3 years i had to come back home. but i need to grow up and be my own person with my own space.
i never thought i would have this problem when i was younger. what i wanted to do when i grew up. i don't wanna grow up i am a toy's r us kid!
